Advice
Don't cry over milk spilled
in your half-filled cup of tea.
A bird by any other name
is worth two in the tree.
Feed a silk purse to an old dog,
but you'll never make him drink,
'cause the grass always greener
in the other kitchen sink.
You shouldn't count your chickens
in a house made out of glass.
Don't stop to smell a rat
or look a gift horse in the ass.
Each time it rains, it might pour
cats and dogs on your parade;
so dance like a fish out of water,
or you'll be a wet blanket's old maid.
Fight frying pans with fire;
chase the goose who ate your hat.
Never whistle in the belfry;
knock your socks right off the bat.
You won't find camels threading
needles in a stack of hay.
Remember, even broken clocks
are cleaned two times a day.
by Laura Garrison
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Laura Garrison lives in a small apartment with her husband and an evil gnome. She has never actually seen the gnome, but she knows it's there because something keeps hiding her shoes in weird places and stealing all the good jellybeans out of the candy dish. She studies American literature but secretly dreams of becoming a wrecking-ball operator. She likes turtles, carnivals, and blueberry pancakes.